Im Easing In….

Its been months since I contributed my initial blog entry…whats that about…squeamish? beligerant? lazy? I love writing, when i do it. Story is perhaps my favorite past time, whether it’s writing, talking, singing, acting, writing, directing, dancing..and yet Ive been avoiding it off and on my whole life. I often have difficulty beginning things, maybe because I know I am driven to complete what i start…which means deep commitment of energy and time. And… I love nothing more than when I am in that cycle of engagement, so why the resistance? It could be that i have gone down so many incorrect roads...I was in a cult for 25 years after all. Early life was a lot of decisions made for me, major moves, etc. I also have lots of resistance to change in small ways… it takes me a really long time to get in the water, especially cold water. I can force myself to take the plunge, and even it feels good, it’s still just as difficult the next time. Ive told myself that this is the result of my traumatic birth, my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck, suffocating me… dying even as I was being born. And the transition from warm and wet and loving to an environment thats cold, sterile, unfeeling..no wonder i hate modern medical places so much. And even if this is the reason, I’m over it. Id like to just move easily toward what I respond with a yes to.